US president Joe Biden and Kenya President Dr. Ruto at a past event

Poised as a God-fearing son of a nobody, William “Hustler-in-Chief” Ruto maneuvered his way up the political ladder with the masterful storytelling skills of a seasoned grifter. He marketed a “hustler dynasty” campaign that truly sold the tale of a little-known boy from the village of Sugoi rising up against all odds, going from chicken salesman to the most powerful man in Kenya. 

Just one and a half years into office, Ruto has positioned Kenya as America’s top banana in several sectors, inking all sorts of crazy deals around sports, security, and trade. Even though Kenya and the US have enjoyed a longstanding “bromance” under past administrations, Kenyan policies and ideologies have bent over backwards lately to align more closely with Western interests now that President Ruto is in charge. In this article, we take a comedic look at some of Ruto’s wacky policy stances and question his real motivations.

1. Ruto Lifts Ban on GMO crops:

Nearly a month on the job, Ruto revoked a long-standing prohibition on importing and consuming genetically modified crops (or “GMOs” as the kids call them these days). GMOs were banned due to health concerns, a move even scientifically advanced countries like France and Germany have adopted. Cabinet members argued it would end the country’s “food shortage” (translation: it would make US ag companies lots of money). The States have always criticized Kenya’s ban, so clearly this was a big favor to Uncle Sam. And with Bill Gates’ surprise visit around the same time, one can’t help but wonder – what’s really in it for Kenya?

2. Ruto Condemns Palestine in Hamas Conflict:

Shortly after Hamas launched a surprise attack on Israel, Ruto was one of the first to rush to social media to stand with Israel and condemn Palestine. Even after Israel committed some pretty heinous war crimes against innocent Palestinian women and children, God-fearing Christian Ruto saw no issue condemning his Zionist friends. Us intelligence chief and secretary of defense also paid homage to Kenya’s statehouse, with the latest US Secretary of Defense Lloyd J. Austin III revealing Kenya is working with the USA in defending Ukraine and the Red Sea which has been under attack from Houthi rebels. As a good Western lapdog, he’s obliged to take on their enemies and friends – the biggest form of neocolonialism around, even 60 years after independence! Kenya can’t make independent statements on global affairs or it risks losing that sweet, sweet foreign aid. 

US. SEC. defense Lloyd J. Austin III with president Ruto and C.S for defense Aden Duale in statehouse Nairobi

3. Kenya to Lead Force in Crime-Ridden Haiti:

Kenya expressed willingness to lead a multinational force restoring “order” to strife-torn Haiti, pledging 1,000 cops. President Ruto earned praise on the global stage from US president Biden, who called for the Security Council to authorize the mission. Even though Kenyan courts struck down the bilateral arrangement, many citizens question why Kenya is inserting itself into conflict thousands of miles away when it can barely handle its own security issues. Sounds like Kenya got roped into playing the West’s geopolitical games again!

4. Ruto Champions Climate Change:

The President fancies himself a great prophet of climate change in Africa. His administration organized a “successful” climate summit in Nairobi, where Ruto pulled another slick PR stunt arriving by electric convoy for a speech championing higher carbon taxes. After securing billions from partners and praise from Secretary Blinken, he received another standing ovation at the UN for a magnificent speech, what an oratory skill? Ooh we forget he is reading from a teleprompter

5. Ruto Ditches Manifesto for IMF:

On the campaign trail, Kenyans were sold the idea that the UDA manifesto contained solutions for their near economic collapse and mounting debt. But as soon as Ruto took office, he tossed out his advisors and adopted IMF/World Bank fiscal policies instead. So Kenya is basically being run according to the dictates of foreign entities that have never really had the people’s best interests at heart.

Master of double-speak?.

Our ambitious head of state had lofty goals from day one – not only did he aim to revolutionize Kenya’s economy, but the whole continent looked to him as a budding Pan-African leader. For a shining moment, other African nations hung on his every charismatic word, as evidenced by a surprise standing ovation at a South African summit. Seen by some as the next Gaddafi, President Ruto boldly called for “dedollarization” and greater economic cooperation between African states. He spoke of having the African Union represent the entire motherland in discussions with other global powers.

But wait, there’s more! The president questioned the disrespect of packing over 50 leaders onto busses “like schoolchildren” for summits abroad. “It is not intelligent for 54 African Presidents to go and sit before one President from another country…Sometimes, we are mistreated. We are loaded onto busses like school kids. It is not right,” he declared. Such fiery rhetoric!

Alas, just a few short months later, our contradiction connoisseur hopped aboard Air Force One yet again for the Italy-Africa summit. As Julius Malema astutely observed, “I don’t know if President William Ruto means it because he said so many things, and I can’t locate him these days, because the things he said during election and the things he’s doing now are two different things…” Truer words were never spoken!

Logging bans? Pshaw! Who needs trees when jet fuel calls.  It seems our once promising Pan-African leader has been reduced to a sock puppet for Western powers, happily lapping up any praise thrown his way. What a rollercoaster ride of double standards and hypocrisy!

president Ruto’s reaction to standing ovation at EU parliament

Though Kenya’s so-called “God-chosen” government still enjoys hopes from innocent Kenyans, most of whom are Christians who they continue to manipulate with hefty tithes and offerings in exchange for prayers, the truth is catching up as numbers don’t lie – his true ambitions are becoming known, serving masters who somehow helped him get the seat of power, as Ambassador Meg Whitman says “In the most credible elections” even with clear irregularities and malpractice. The jig is up, folks, and in the immortal words of Samora Machel: “If one day you hear the West speak well of me, know that I have betrayed you.” Ooh, Doctor William or Bill as her beautiful wife calls him, has betrayed Africans.